Juddmansee.com

There is a lot of talk about work/life balance.  Students at WILG ask about this topic most when talking with alumni.  One very senior woman at my company told me there is no such thing – it’s all about work-life integration.   Some friends swear by outsourcing all household chores to make room for “quality time” with their family.  Women at my office, when assembled for lunch, nearly always talk about how to handle the demands of housework, raising children, relationships with spouse and family, trying to stay in shape and eat healthy foods, and maybe even finding time for oneself once in a while, in the context of progressing in their careers.

It doesn’t seem to me to be so much about a balance as it is about time management.  There are times when work will claim every waking moment – as was the case this week for me and some of my co-workers.  In those times, either you keep your fingers crossed that the rest of your life will stay under control for a few days, or you have to make tough choices about doing what it takes to pay the bills, honor commitments and rescue a troubled project in its time of need, or doing what it takes to support a child or spouse, honor other commitments, and rescue a troubled friend or family member in their time of need.  In those cases, it never seems like there is an unequivocally “right” answer, only the one you choose and how comfortable you are with the consequences you incur as a result.

It’s hard not to feel somewhat responsible when colleagues make choices that affect your friends – the blessing and curse of working with friends and spouses of friends.  That late night making the demo work isn’t just a selfless act of a co-worker giving up dinner with his family, it often also results a girlfriend having to put the kids to bed for the 4th night in a row, when she’s received bad news about her own job and hasn’t slept much herself the previous night.  I get to see both sides, which makes me human and hopefully a better boss, but also makes these choices all the more personal.

Back to time management, because that’s how I relate to the work/life balance topic.  Running on a weekday may get punted for a meeting, but skipping workouts for an entire week is unacceptable if I’m going to stay healthy and be ready to run the race in June.  Opting out of a volunteers meeting can feel irresponsible in the moment but it’s palatable if the organization is on track and I know I’ll get a chance to review the handouts.  Taking the path of higher value per time is often the driver, particularly if a specific timeslot is in contention.  Saying no is going to happen, it’s just picking when.  And again, it’s feeling comfortable with the priority I’m setting and the fact that I do have to make choices to stay sane.

What about personal relationships?  Postponing date night or catching up with a friend has its own category.  I may be tired, I may be stressed, but taking 10 minutes to catch up and receive encouragement from Brian at 2am when I fall into bed, or keeping a date for ice cream with the friend even when we’re both exhausted (hey, that’s why ice cream is magical.  The cold keeps you awake while the tasty yumminess sustains you through all the important catching up conversation) always seems to give back more than the time it takes.   And the truth is, it doesn’t take much time to show you care, in the scheme of things.  It still amazes me sometimes, but I feel it when I get a card just when I need a word of encouragement, or when someone calls me or emails just to say hi.

So, on Monday you’ll find me at Fenway Park and Friday morning I’ll be at a tree planting in Ohio.  If I prioritized getting work stuff in good shape, I’d have bowed out of at least one of these.  And sure, I’ll be working this weekend to enable me to take 2 days off in a hectic week of critical meetings and trips.  I guess it comes down to what balance means.  That tightrope-walker has to be ok tottering a bit, being comfortable with balance even when it requires a bar and a safety net and still almost falling a few times.  My comfort zone might be on a wider beam, closer to the ground, but still a path that challenges me.  Maybe that’s why yoga has been so enjoyable for me – it’s about pushing myself enough that I progress in strength and flexibility, but not so much that I cannot relax, breathe and enjoy the experience – a good analogy for life on most days.